As I write this, my heart hurts and is just jam-packed with emotion.
For the past five years, I have poured every ounce of my being into building the Elli J. business to bring joy and quality to people all over. I followed my intuition every step from launching a clothing boutique with zero experience to enrolling into school to pursue my business degree all 3 months before the pandemic hit. Then I was suddenly running a business, in school, now homeschooling my two autistic children with ADHD, at the time 4 and 6, becoming the occupational therapist, speech therapist, teacher, and trying to survive. Fast forward a big move to a different state that took more of a toll on my mental health than I could have ever predicted, causing a loss of revenue that destroyed us financially just to be able to stay in our home so our kids could continue in their new school which we fought so hard for because our kids for the first time had a school that saw them, advocated FOR them and alongside us. Loans, credit debt, and defeat were all I could see, so I gave it all one more shot and launched Elli J. Beauty on August 1st, 2021. I started rebuilding literally everything from the ground up, again.
This journey has been one of extreme growth, immense challenges and struggle, and deep personal transformation. I've been a one-woman show, bootstrapping the business, working all the roles tirelessly while barely managing my own personal trials. I just couldn’t give up.
Starting and running Elli J Beauty wasn't just about creating a business; it was about building a dream amidst the chaos of life. Over these past several my main priority was raising my sweet babies and giving them everything they needed to thrive, learning about their brains, helping them see their magic...and that unintentionally uncovered deep-rooted road blocks in my own brain from the past. We've faced significant hurdles as a family, especially after our move. A car accident with the whole family, that triggered my PTSD worse than ever, the unexpected illness and eventual loss of my grandmother, to my husband's emergency surgery that turned critical, it became hard to show up to be a walking advertisement when I was watching my biggest inner critic win. The cycle of failure flashed in my head daily. Through stubborn relentlessness, I managed to keep the business afloat, finished my business degree and immediately enrolled in a master's program in mental health counseling. I wanted to really understand people and their feelings and their stories and experiences more, as for a decade I have been actively learning through and with my children about our spicy brains. Through my own self work and education, and my passion for mental health awareness and advocacy, I thought...maybe I could bring a lot of good into the beauty space for a change of pace and a bigger focus on self-care and self-love.
The journey has been nothing short of overwhelming, filled with sleepless nights and countless sacrifices. Yet, despite these hardships, I remained committed to my dream of creating a brand that genuinely cares about every customer. The last several years have taken a toll on my mental and physical health to the point where I can no longer risk not being present, both physically and mentally, for my children. I need to prioritize my well-being and my family's well-being above all else.
The last five years have seen me fighting tooth and nail to keep Elli J Beauty alive. I've spent nearly two decades in this industry, listening, learning, researching, and teaching. Yet, in the past six months, it became painfully clear that I'm not cut out for the viral, trend-chasing, gimmick-laden aspects of the beauty business. I care too deeply about every single person I have ever packed an order for (every single one packed by me with care and appreciation), received a message from, or had the pleasure to meet through this journey.
My goal has always been to help people learn, empower them to try new things, and express themselves authentically. I encourage self-love, acceptance, inclusion, and equity. I see people as they are, not as a collection of likes and followers. I cannot bring myself to participate in practices that undermine these values, like selling $1 luxury items that are unsustainable or engaging in viral gimmicks or creating drama for marketing gains.
To stay afloat while navigating through a dark season, I was forced to slash prices without compromising quality, which in the long run led to significant financial losses. Overconsumption and the pressure to constantly buy new products and the overwhelming amount of scams and ads and copycat cash grabs are eroding any genuine authenticity and integrity in more than just the beauty industry. I refuse to blindly contribute to a cycle that perpetuates unhealthy levels of consumption, comparison, competition, and criticism of people for just existing. My favorite place to stay is in my own lane, minding my business, and far away from confrontation or engaging in problematic dialogue for more exposure. I’d rather fail miserably with integrity knowing I gave it my all in every aspect, but I cannot sustain a former a vision I no longer align with mentally and trying to do so has collapsed me financially.
I wanted Elli J Beauty to be a trusted source for staple products that you can rely on. I don’t want to give up bringing my customers their holy grail, everyday staples, or their favorite skincare. I don’t want to give up the plan for more self-care and self-love focused content and tools. My affirmation card deck has touched many lives in the last two months, and those messages have taken my breath away when someone says what their card did for them that day. I want to continue bringing mindfulness, self-love, and mental health awareness to this platform. The beauty industry and the world at large are becoming increasingly overwhelming, and I want to offer a respite from that chaos.
Realistically, I should have shut down two years ago, but I've fought hard to keep this dream alive. However, the debt is crippling, and I cannot jeopardize my children's future. So, I'm being transparent: everything in our current sale collection will be an extra 50% off at checkout automatically without a code. These items either have our original packaging or they were being phased out. As it stands right now, this looks like the end, as this month has my future resting on it. To effectively prepare for potential closure, I want to give all our reward members the heads up to log in to review if you have any redeemable points available to cash in for products as I will be phasing the current reward system out completely by June 16th. Affiliates, I cannot express my gratitude for your love and belief in the brand, and I appreciate every single one of you more than you could ever know. I will have to phase out the affiliate platform as well by the end of June.
If we make it through this month, and I am praying that we do, and we pick up some new, fresh momentum when we can get into the right alignment, we'll implement a new reward and referral program that reflects more with our mission.
Truthfully, I'm just a spicy neurodivergent mom with big feelings, who just wanted the best for literally everyone, and who now needs to be at my best for my health, my family. I want to show my children and everyone else that you can achieve great things without compromising your values. I can't continue to function in a world that thrives on criticism and unkindness. I want to create things that promote a happier, healthier relationship with ourselves and others.
I owed it to my loyal customers to explain why I haven't been as visible. If this is the end of Elli J Beauty, let's make June memorable. Thank you for your unwavering support and understanding. And I am so incredibly sorry if I let ANY of you down along the way. You are appreciated and valued beyond belief.
I believe that miracles can happen when you are ready for them, so if it is meant to be, we will continue to be, and if not, I can go out knowing I truly gave it my all. I can fail knowing I did everything I could, learned everything I could, showed as much gratitude as a I could, and did it with integrity, vulnerability and real love and care.
